At My Kitchen Table
Welcome to At My Kitchen Table, a conversational, interview-y podcast where I have a good yap with a guest!
When I was growing up, the kitchen table was the conversation center in a lot of homes. At my grandparents' house, friends and family alike were welcomed with connection as much as with drinks and food. In my parents' house, that tradition continued as my siblings and I would post up and chat with my mom as she cooked or baked or tried to read a book (with much exasperation as we refused to shut up). I found cozy similarity at my friends' homes with their parents, too.
Keeping with tradition, I create a space for everyone who visits my table, where we get to share a little bit of our journeys together - roses, thorns, and stems.
Interested in recording your story with me? Email me at atmykitchentablepod@gmail.com!
At My Kitchen Table
ICYMI: S1E16 Adam Wright
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Hey Teabags! As you may know, I’m taking a little time off to steep! I’m on a short break for some relaxation and to prep new episodes for the Season 2 launch in September. While you wait to meet new guests and hear their stories, enjoy this re-release of Season 1 Episode 16 from Adam Wright.
Get cozy!
This week's small business spotlight is on Game On, Girls!
Search Game On, Girls! on Facebook and find them on Instagram @gameongirlsapparel
Order from Game On, Girls at https://gogapparel.com
Intro riff by Dale Lytle (concert husband).
All content edited (I use that term very loosely) by Karen Shaak.
This week's At My Kitchen Table Small Business Spotlight shines on Game On Girls. Game On Girls is a Pittsburgh-based female-owned girl sports apparel brand on a mission to help girls wear their confidence. Created by a softball player, Game On Girls designs apparel that celebrates female athletes and reminds every girl that she belongs in the game. You can find and follow them on Facebook and Instagram, or shop the collection and learn more at GOGApparel.com. Hey teabags, as you may know, I'm taking a little time off to sleep. I'm on a short break for some relaxation and to prep new episodes for the season two launch in September. While you wait to meet new guests and hear their stories, enjoy this re-release of season one, episode 16 from Adam Wright. It's almost Christmas teabags, and having Adam Wright join me at my kitchen table this week is a gift. I connected with Adam through our mutual friend and friend of the pod, Jen. He's the kind of person that you feel like you've known forever when you're like five minutes into your very first conversation with him. Adam lost both of his parents to cancer, and we discovered a mutual bond of losing our moms in our late 30s and experiencing delayed grief after the fact. But our talk is far from sad. It's actually full of wonder and humor. We touch on his ability to talk himself into jobs, his love of all things Lancaster, Pennsylvania, the world's worst ball tap, and how his worldview changed for the better after losing his mom and living through COVID. And we talk about the really cool things he was able to do with his mom before she passed away. Give it a listen.
SPEAKER_03She was like, I'm so happy that you guys connected.
SPEAKER_00I really am too. She had a few people. She was like, okay, so I think Adam would be awesome. And she's giving me like other people. She's like, I think you should reach out and talk to these people. Yeah. So I have connected with a couple and we'll see if they decide to I just think people also like to tell their stories.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Not everybody. Some people are like, absolutely not. You are not recording me. I don't want to ever hear my voice. And I get it because that was my biggest struggle when I started doing this. Every time I edit, I'm like, oh, I cringe when I hear my voice. But I think overall, a lot of people are like, yeah, man, let's just chat.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So oh, it's awesome. That's why I love the format of what you're doing. I think it's just awesome to just have that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's just a conversation.
SPEAKER_00It is, and it's a ton of fun. And I was actually telling somebody not that long ago, it's been a really interesting way to sort of reconnect post-COVID. Oh, I bet. You know? Yeah. Where it's like, I'm because I think I got a little bit comfortable with just hanging in my house and like doing nothing. Yeah, I don't have to leave. I can I can go hike and I can do that solo and I can order groceries and I can order stuff to be delivered here. I don't have to go out into my community and like be with people. And that's not good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, which we have also talked about as well. It's a fucking terrible thing.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's what drove me nuts with COVID. Like, because I was working at home. Yep. And I'm a recruiter. Uh I'm recruiting. I'm I'm I am used to meeting people, seeing people every day, new people. So it was, I would go to the grocery store for whatever we needed that day.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And then I just so I had a reason to go out the next day. Yeah. I I I would purposely shop for one day just because it was my only time other than Zoom, you know, to have a connection with people. So I was like, and people were like, you're nuts. I said, no, I just I have to get out.
SPEAKER_00It's true.
SPEAKER_03I need a separation from work and home. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And how everything blurred together and work was home and home was work. And for some people, that is great. And it helped people achieve like a level of balance. But there are just tons of other people who are like, I need that separation. And I need to know that when I leave my office, my home is my home. And you know, and then you want to be in your community. You don't want to fear being out in your community. You know, it sucks.
SPEAKER_03It does.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03It does.
SPEAKER_00So you already said that you're a recruiter. How about like to kick things off? Are you whole like just sharing a little bit about yourself? Like introduce yourself.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. So my name's Adam Wright. You know, I don't even know where to start. I guess I'm an orphan. That'll kick off a little bit what we're gonna talk about here today. It sure was. Um, so both of my parents have passed away. Um, and and I say that knowing that some people have it much worse. You know, I don't know. I have a cousin that he lost his both much younger. Sure. Um, but it is something that is always there. You know, it's just a part of me. You know, I am from southern Washington County, a small town, grew up in a town of under 500 people. It's truly a one-stop light town. Yes, truly one-stop light. Um, and that's where my mom is from. My dad is from New York. Uh they call it upstate, but it's literally half an hour north of the city on the Hudson. That's you know, but it's upstate. That's upstate. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Where at? What town?
SPEAKER_03It's Nyack, New York. Okay, it's Rockland County, beautiful place. Sure.
SPEAKER_00Uh I used to drive through um on my way to Connecticut for work, and so like I'm I'm a little familiar with some areas that they call upstate. Yeah. Upstate is like this whole massive area of New York.
SPEAKER_03It is. It is, it really is. It's everywhere but the city. It's the city. Yeah, exactly. Which the city's the southernmost point of New York. It's really everywhere but the city. Okay. You know, he grew up up there, so it's funny because my dad, you know, he never he well, he was in the service for reserves, but like he didn't grow up shooting guns or hunting like that. But my mom did, you know? So like I didn't I grew up in the country, but all my cousins they hunt, they drive trucks, and then there was me. I want a car, and I don't shoot guns. Right. You know what I mean? So I was totally the oddball because my dad didn't do that stuff. Sure. You know, grew up in a small town, then went to Cal U and met Angela, who is my wife, and uh met her at college. I was her bartender.
SPEAKER_00Oh, lovely. Yeah, yeah, it was perfect.
SPEAKER_03Perfect.
SPEAKER_00It's a great setup.
SPEAKER_03It is, it is. It was you know, it was the greatest job I ever had, and it changed my life. Yeah, you know?
SPEAKER_00Sure did.
SPEAKER_03Uh, so we've been married, it'll be 19 years on December 30th. That's what led me to the South Hills, you know. Met her, moved up here, yeah, and have never looked back, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Um, it's funny, we have that little bit of a connection. So obviously, I met you through Jen, who, as of this recording, the listeners won't know who she is, but I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty confident her episode is gonna drop next week. Um, met you through Jen, and that's because your wife is best friends with Jen. She's been BFS with Jen forever, for as long as I've known Jen, I think. And I knew your wife like very, very briefly because my oldest, and I know this makes her feel so old, I'm gonna say it right out loud. My oldest, who is 31 right now, she was one of his preschool helpers at the high school's like preschool program. Yeah. So so we have that little bit of a connection, but really interesting to learn that you did not grow up in the area. A lot of people that I meet here are born and raised, their parents were born and raised. Like tons of people just don't leave this particular area. Yeah. So I'm a transplant. You are, yeah. So it's like moving up, like Bridgeville's big, right?
SPEAKER_03Oh, it is. Oh, absolutely. I mean, it used we have to had used to have to drive half an hour to get to a mall, you know, 20 minutes to get to a grocery store that had anything, you know, that wasn't a small town. So yeah, it was much different coming up here. I when I moved up here, I was like, it's so weird. I miss driving a half hour to the grocery store because here I drive a mile to the grocery store and it takes me the same amount of time. Isn't that hilarious? You know, yeah, it's wild, but now I'm used to it now.
SPEAKER_00Of course, no, of course. I have that a little bit in common with you too. So I grew up in a couple of different areas, but spent some of my growing up years in southern York County, Pennsylvania. And so um it's same, same deal. If we wanted to go to like a movie theater or the mall or whatever, it was like a 20 to 30 minute drive, which we used to think was just the longest fucking time ever. Like a brutal far away. Brutal. But now it's like anywhere you live closer to a city, it takes you 20 fucking minutes to get like two towns over. Yes. And you're also irritated because of traffic and other drivers. And so Especially this time of year. Real. Yeah, it's pretty terrible. Pretty terrible. You are not an only child though, right? You grew up with a sibling.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I have an older brother. He uh is five years older than me, but we were six grades apart.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Because he skipped kindergarten. He was a genius. Yeah, he's super genius, and then there was me. I was the one that uh with had wore the garbage can of my head and ran into the wall while he was you know reading at age two. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but let's also not pretend like you're not a genius as well.
SPEAKER_03Like, and we'll get to that too, but maybe in some different ways, social maybe ways.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. You because well, and we haven't gotten to like Lancaster yet, but I mean you ended up there for like a really interesting reason. And we'll get to that. Were you close with your brother? I mean, it's five years is like a big gap when you're growing up.
SPEAKER_03It is, yeah, and uh we were we were pretty close for that age gap. Okay, because I think my parents made him probably let me do things, you know. Sure, sure. And like I always just tagged along. Like I always talk about I saw basic instinct in the movie theater because my brother and his friends wanted to see it, and my dad let me tag along. So here I am, 11 years old, seeing that, you know. I didn't I didn't watch like a lot of Disney movies because my dad wanted to watch Die Hard and Back to the Future, and you know, so like I was I was kind of with the older kids, but I was the little shit that antagonized the hell out of them. I knew what I was getting away with. They probably didn't love having me there. Sure. But I loved being there, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I was definitely exposed to a lot more as a younger kid. Like, I was an oldest, and so I have a completely flipped perspective of what you're saying. I I get the whole tagging along thing as well, but um, because we have a brother who so I'm the oldest of four, and my one brother, we joke all the time, we're like, oh, he's the friend stealer, he's the guy that always he wants to hang out with all your friends, and you're like, look, motherfucker, get your own fucking friends. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I could have easily been that guy.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, exactly. But you also get to be as a younger kid, there's almost like nothing's off limits at that point to you. Like anything that your parents might have not wanted your older brother to do at a certain age, that was out the window for you.
SPEAKER_03I got away with it. Yeah, I knew how to, and I learned at a very young age the powers that I had. Yeah so I knew that how to get my way. Yes. Truly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh I was my mom's baby. So that made a big difference, you know. And my dad, I don't know. There was for some reason he just I got away with anything. You know, he just, yeah, he just really wanted to make sure I was enjoying life. And like, you know, I didn't have a job until I after I graduated high school. I never worked until after I graduated high school.
SPEAKER_02Nice.
SPEAKER_03I would just be like, Dad, I need some money. You know, like he would give me money. I'd be like, we have girls coming over, dude. I need I need to buy beer. Will you get us beer and give me money? And he'd be like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_03Like crazy. You know, like just not, it was just a different time. Because my parents, you know, my dad was born in 1941, my mom was born in 43. So, like, my dad in New York, he was going to the grocery store and buying quarts of beer when he was 13. Sure. Like, yep. So it was nothing for if and he would let me and my friends drink, but he would make sure that no one was driving or anything. You know, he was responsible somewhat about it. Sure.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But I loved it. Yeah. Loved it.
SPEAKER_00It was a different time. We actually say that on this pod a lot because I end up talking to a lot of people within like that older millennial, into like older Gen X sort of time frame, I guess. Outside of a couple of people. And every time they talk about their childhoods, they feel like, oh my God, I have to caveat this with like the 80s were wild.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00It was a feral time. This was okay. This was something back, you know, like yeah. Yeah, it was it was fine-ish. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_00But your brother is not local though.
SPEAKER_03No, he lives in Jersey now. So he went to uh Pitt on a Chancellor's scholarship. They give away one to, it's an academic scholarship. He got it. So he went there on a he did his bachelor's there. Okay. Then he went to USC on a program that was going to, it was a doctorate program that he was going to become a professor.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And right before, I think it was the semester before he had to do his thesis, he decided he wanted to go to law school. So he went to Michigan, law school. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So he got around a little bit.
SPEAKER_03He got around. Yeah. He when he left Bellsville, the town that we grew up in, he never wanted to, he was city. He did not want to live in a small town ever again. His were different. You know, his experiences were much different than my experiences. So I think he had a little bit of a harder time in that setting than I did.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It's not for everybody.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for various reasons. But for everybody. When he hit the city, he was like, I never looked back. So he would live, he lived in LA. Okay. Then he uh moved back to, they lived in DC for a while, then he moved back to LA. Then now they're in Jersey.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Now is he in Jersey, is he closer to Philly or closer to New York City?
SPEAKER_03Closer to New York City.
SPEAKER_00So you went to Cal U, which you you stated, and you that's where you met, Ang, and then you had some pretty like you had like a bunch of rough shit that happened in about a six-month period.
SPEAKER_02We did, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, and actually starting with your marriage, like you got married. That was like the woo-hoo. And then that sort of was the start of like a whole bunch of change for you over a very short period of time. Can you like share a little bit about that?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and you know, even leading up to the wedding was I would say not probably your normal lead up just because my father was pretty sick with cancer at that time.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Um, so he was in a wheelchair at that at the time of our wedding. So leading up to that, you know, we really wanted to get married and have him there, you know, like we wanted to make sure we could have him there. So not that it was rushed by any means, but sure we moved as quick as we could to make sure that that would happen.
SPEAKER_00And what kind of cancer did he have?
SPEAKER_03Prostate cancer. Prostate cancer. And he had had it, he got diagnosed when I was a young teenager. Okay, but my dad didn't trust modern medicine too a lot.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03And uh he took a natural path with his uh journey with cancer, and it lasted good for about 10 years.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03I mean, yeah, for doing things that were very unconventional in the 90s at that time, you know, right. It was amazing that he was able to maintain good as long as he did. Right. But then it took a turn, sure. You know, and the last few years, you know, it really uh it started to metastasize, and he started the he had a mass that was started to eat his bones away and his hip and things like that. So then he had to be on a wheelchair. So we wanted to make sure he could be there. So we got married December 30th, and uh then we went on a our honeymoon, which was a Caribbean cruise, and I don't like to fly, so we drove down, and my dad's sister lived in Florida. She's actually the one that sent us on the cruise for our honeymoon.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03So, yeah, so we drove down, parked at their place. They took us to the boat, and then when we got off, we spent a couple days there, and then we came home. When I got home, my dad had there was a significant decrease in his health. Just in that like week and a half, two weeks, you know. And my mom said, you know, I didn't want to tell you, of course. Uh sure, you're on your honeymoon, that's like the last thing. Exactly. Of course. Exactly. So, like, and it was right around his birthday. It was probably, by the time we got home, it was probably a day or two for before his birthday. And then Ange, on his birthday, he asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he wanted uh pork stuffed pork chops. So she made stuffed pork chops, and then the next day he went to the hospital and never came up.
SPEAKER_01Oh, god.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, well, and he didn't pass away. This he didn't pass away until July. He was in a hospice facility for months. Like he was a long-term hospice resident for a long time. So while after we got married, I graduated college right before we got married, and Ange was graduating in May. Okay. So we were looking to start our careers. I was applying to jobs everywhere, applied to a position with Lancaster County Planning Commission, which happens to be, which I didn't know at the time, one of the most progressive planning agencies in the country. It's a very prestigious position because they deal with farmland preservation, uh, urban sprawl, a lot in all in the same county, which it that doesn't happen most anywhere else in the country. So just a lot of cool history there too. So it was just a really cool experience, and I got that job.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But like, not just you got that job, because when you told me the story, yeah, there was more to it than that.
SPEAKER_03I beat out 43 people.
SPEAKER_00That's insane, and that's why it made me laugh when you were like, because my brother was a genius. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Well, it was really cool. But I think I, you know, I think I talked myself into that job. I don't know that it had anything to do. I I think that's just that's what I'm good at. That's that's my joke now as a recruiter. I say I'm I get paid to talk to people. It's the only thing I'm good at.
SPEAKER_01There you go.
SPEAKER_03You know, so like I probably talked my way into that one a little bit. But it worked out great. It was awesome. For the short time that I was there, it was awesome.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I got that position, and then, and she just graduated with a master's level social worker, so she could get a job anywhere.
SPEAKER_00And that I just want to hit pause one second. When you said you graduated um right before you guys got married, you graduated with your master's degree. Master's degree. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, master's degree in geography and regional planning. So this was a perfect position for my degree. Absolutely. It was like heaven, you know? Yep. So, and it was also the first time Angora I had moved away from home. Yeah, you know, and my brother at the time was in Los Angeles, I believe. Maybe Michigan. No, he was in Michigan because he he was still in law school. Okay. So I think he graduated maybe that December, or maybe right before my dad died. I can't, it might have been in the spring when he grabbed, I can't remember, but it was around the same time. Around the same yeah, same time, yeah. Yeah. So we Ange got a job out at Manor Care in Lancaster, and my dad was pretty sick, you know, by now this time. This is we're talking uh April or May of the 2007, that would have been.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And uh we got married December 30th, 06th, and that would have been in about April when we were figuring out the move. But I knew we had to go, you know, it was like we got these jobs, we have to go start our life. We were living in my parents' basement, they got their pay basement redone so we could live there to help us get on our feet. So, like, which that was a whole different story. That was so hard because the like the second week we were living there, had my dad fall. Oh, God, and I was never able to sleep again. Of course. So, like, I just it was as much as it was great that they did that, it was torture. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, like oh it was so stressful. So we moved out to Lancaster, and then within two months, it's early in late June, it's a Tuesday. I get a call from my mom. You should come home. We think your dad's gonna pass. So rush home. I've been both of us have been in our jobs for a month and a half, right? You know, I'm leaving on, we're leaving on a Tuesday. Obviously, we're not coming back till Sunday. Sure. So Sunday comes along. My dad's still fighting. Still fighting. I'm saying I'm like, what do what do we do? You know? And my mom's like, you gotta go back. You know, there's nothing you can do here. My brother was in at that time, you know, so he was here to help. He had come in because he was on break, I think. Yeah. So I was like, okay, we gotta go back. We go back, get the call Tuesday.
SPEAKER_00That's so nuts. Yeah. And like, you I mean, again, you're at this new job, and how are you? How are you managing with them?
SPEAKER_03It's insane. They we I am so grateful for that, the county for working with me because I'm sure with their policy, they didn't have to. Sure. You know, I mean, I know I hire people, so I know that I didn't have any FMLA, I didn't have any, I had no leg to stand on. They could have just said, we made the wrong hiring. Right, get this kid out of here. But they didn't, you know, they worked with us, and we came back the following Sunday. So then, you know, we had funeral and everything, and then we were able to come back Sunday. And then, you know, I had to figure out how to go on without a dad.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, like I was like, what the what do you do?
SPEAKER_00Now, were you close with your dad?
SPEAKER_03I I am very much like. My dad, uh, we butted heads a lot okay because we were so similar. We knew how to get at each other. I probably more than he did, but but we did, we got along great too. Okay. I mean, uh, he was a saint when I was when Home Alone was in the theaters, he took me to see the movie seven times. I mean, he's a saint, yeah, you know, like he was the guy that would pack seven kids in the car and take us all to tennis practices, yeah, you know, like it would be all my brother's friends, and I'd be like somewhere in the back of this little cult hatchback, you know? It was unbelievable. Yeah, but he was just, he always made sure that whatever we wanted to do, we got to do making it happen. Yeah, yeah, he did.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, whatever it took, it was awesome.
SPEAKER_00So you find yourself now without a dad, and you're not even living at home anymore. I'm putting that in air quotes. Obviously, technically, you're in your home, but not the area where you had grown up and lived your entire life, and now your mom is also by herself.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because my brother had to leave and go back, you know.
SPEAKER_00So, how I mean, how did that impact your relationship with your mom? Oh being long distance like that too.
SPEAKER_03We got so much closer because after that happened, I talked to her every single day. Yeah, you know, after work, I called every day. She knew she was as close with my friends as my friends. Yeah, you know, when she was passing away, she asked to see three people to come in and see her. One of them was Jen.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_03Like she didn't know Jen for 20, 30 years at that time, you know what I mean? Right. And they had just had such a bond over the short, uh, not short time, I mean probably like 10 years or something. Right. But yeah, you know, in the grand scheme of things, a significantly short period of time, you know. My cousin was one of the other ones, and I can't even remember the third, but I remember those two. You know, it stuck out to me like she knew what was coming, so she was like, I want to see these people.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03And so we made sure that happened. But you know, so we got super close. She knew all our friends, she was very involved. When Lauren had Colton, I mean, she just oh she called him the chairman of the board. Like she just loved, and Lauren was so good, she would always send my mom like whatever she made for everyone, she would send my mom too.
SPEAKER_00That's so awesome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it was awesome. And Ange has a video that shows up every year that she put on Facebook. Probably, I mean, my mom was still alive then, but it was her reading the Colton. That comes up every year, and I'm like, oh my, you know, like it just she just loved everybody, she was and everyone loved her. She was like, like my brother had a friend that came out to her, you know, like before anyone else.
SPEAKER_00Like, she was just so she wasn't just your mom, she was like the mom.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yeah, she really was, yeah, she really was, but that was more of an older thing. When we were younger, it wasn't that way. It was sure it was when we were older.
SPEAKER_00Well, and things probably shifted for you a little bit too. Like your closest changes as well, like after after you lose your dad, because now she's also lost her husband, and so her life is shifting and changing at that point. How long was it that you ended up staying in Lancaster? Because and and really, what was the impetus of leaving Lancaster? Was it was it because you wanted to be closer, you know, to your mom? Was it because the job was great, right? Like and it went really, really well.
SPEAKER_03Phenomenal for me, yeah. For me, the job was great.
SPEAKER_00Got it.
SPEAKER_03So we also, and we don't have any children, just didn't happen, you know? But when we lived out there, we did have miscarriage too. Okay, and it's the only time that's ever happened. It was the like out of years and years of trying. That was the only and it was a very uh, it was like uh tuble tube, it was in the tube thing.
SPEAKER_00So like tubal pregnancy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so it was real quick, but it affected the hell out of us, you know. I mean, Ange, still to this day, you know, I'm sure there are still things that really affect her even more than me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, but we had that happen. And then, you know, her job was terrible.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03They went, she went through, she was at a manor care at the time, and they went through three administrators in a year. And then they wanted her to become the administrator. Oh wow. And this place was a shit show, and this is her first year of being a professional. She's like young at that point, young, raw, green. She was like, I gotta go home, you know, and and she was like, Look, we can you can stay, we can figure this out, but I gotta go. Like, I'm not saying we have to end what we have, I just can't be away from home anymore, you know. And because both of us were are very close to our families, you know. So I wasn't gonna stay by myself, you know. Of course. So uh it was the decision was made, we were moving home.
SPEAKER_00Never mind that Lancaster County has so much to offer.
SPEAKER_03I loved it. She really did too. It was just, I swear, if we would have moved out there at any other time in our lives, yeah, we would have never come back.
SPEAKER_00That's it's so wild, right? I mean, timing is really everything, which I totally get. Yeah, but it is I say that almost half jokingly about Lancaster just because I also have a Lancaster connection.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00My husband, who is hanging out upstairs with the dog right now, um, is Lancaster born and bred. So he's from Elizabethtown, and yeah, so we we joke about farm country a lot, but it is a joke because also I did part of my growing up in York County, which is like it's the Lancaster adjacent. Yeah, it's just it's the same, basically, central Pennsylvania.
SPEAKER_03Right, and that's for me, it wasn't a big change because you were grew like this tiny. I have a cow pasture on two sides of my house, yeah. So like Lancaster was nothing new to me. No, you know, in fact, it was more city, yeah.
SPEAKER_01For me, funny.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like for me, it was a city, yeah, because we lived right in Lancaster Township, so right on pretty much the city, so which is hilarious to me. Yeah, yeah, it was it's so wow, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But that's awesome. I'm glad that you loved it there.
SPEAKER_03I mean, love going back, love I connections there still to this day. Yeah, I love it.
SPEAKER_00It's a fun like weekend away because there's so much shit you can kind of do and get your hands into.
SPEAKER_03And that's what sucks for only going for a weekend, though. Cause like I try and cram in, you know, everything, you know, when I hit Lancaster brewing. I want to, you know, I want to hit all these places.
SPEAKER_00And uh and before we move on to you coming back, I gotta know, like, favorite Pennsylvania Dutch food, what is it?
SPEAKER_03Oh, I don't what I know, I'm throwing it at you.
SPEAKER_00I'll put you on the spot.
SPEAKER_03I I don't even know.
SPEAKER_00Because there are so many. I know, like so bad for you.
SPEAKER_03That's like I was telling you, we when we moved home, I was 325 pounds. Jesus, no, you weren't. I was, I swear to God. It was the biggest I've ever been in my entire life. Ange was the biggest she'd ever been in a travel. Wow. Because all we did was eat. Wow, it was good. Yeah, we would go to Shady Maybelline. Oh, Jesus, of course you did. Yeah, you did. Love the Babel, you know. We went on New Year's.
SPEAKER_00That's where we spent New Year's.
SPEAKER_03Jesus.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I love it. Well, there's, you know, it's a lot of starch and a lot of butter.
SPEAKER_03It is. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. You know, Central Market. Yeah. Like, I just loved it. It was great.
SPEAKER_00Great. So it had to have been a little bit bittersweet to leave. And how, I mean, how did that work with your job? Well, how did they handle that? How did you understood?
SPEAKER_03They understood, you know. And we le I left professionally. Of course. Um, yeah. Of course. And and I even applied to go back years later, but I wasn't hired.
SPEAKER_00They were like, nah, we did that right now.
SPEAKER_03I don't even think that we would have done it if I, you know, it was just at that time I wasn't doing anything that I wanted to be doing. So it was a shot in the dark.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Uh, because I hadn't going back to your question, that's truly the last time I used my degree for the most part. When we moved home. Oh, it's not.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03We moved home, and I did get a job at Marshall Township as a zoning officer.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03I was a zoning officer and the assistant planning person.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And then there was a planning and assistant zoning. Like we just covered for each other.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And they hired me with the intent that I would become a building inspector as well. And I failed my building inspector test because I don't, I don't even, I don't work a hammer. You know? I don't know. I don't know. I got two brother-in-laws that do that stuff. I carry stuff.
SPEAKER_00Hard to talk yourself into that one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like, and I well, I did. I I talked myself into getting it, and they gave me six months, and then I failed the test, and then it wasn't the right fit for me either. You know, it was it just wasn't planning. It was uh just pulling sign political signs, and you know, it just it wasn't what I wanted to be doing anyway. But that was the last time I ever used my degree, yeah, and ever worked in that field. Yeah, wow. Then I was off for like a year and a half. Me and Jen's husband, Jim, we would just sit and drink beer all day because he was off too. Not a bad gig if you could get it. Yeah, yeah. We'd send the kids to school, cut them off the bus, yeah, cook dinner.
SPEAKER_00There you go. Yeah, and in the meantime, you got extra time with your mom, like because now you're back and you're closer.
SPEAKER_03That was the positive, you know. But I didn't see that for a long time. I was bitter about coming back for years.
SPEAKER_00Really?
SPEAKER_03I was okay, uh, because I felt like I left a career, yeah. I left something that I would never have again. Yeah, you know, like as much as it helped being with my mom for my career, I was bitter about it. But for family, for every other reason, it was great. Yeah, it was the right thing to do. Because I I would, I would drive down to see my mom. I'd cut her grass every week, you know. Like we would just go down all the time. Holidays, we would go there, come up here.
SPEAKER_00And at that point, your mom was not, she wasn't in your same hometown anymore, right?
SPEAKER_03Well, she was at that point. When we moved home, she was. She was still in Bellsville till probably about 2013, 2012, 2013, something like that.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03Because I grew up, my dad worked for a house building company, and he had our house built. So our house was finished being built like three months before I was born. So it was they it was finished in '79, and it was a cedar-sided house, but it never had a stain on it. So like they did some of it half-assed, but it was a 2,000 square foot house, big, four-bedroom, three-bath, you know, it was a really nice house. Country. Um, at that time. But my dad could work a hammer the same way I could. So, like, there wasn't a lot of maintenance that got done around that house. And, you know, eventually, uh at one point my mom told me to come over because she was like, I think the roof's leaking. I came over and it had fallen in into her bedroom. Oh my god. Yeah. So we were well beyond elite. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And it was built on a wooden foundation. The company that built the house, they did wood foundations at that time. So any realtor was terrified. You know, it was really hard to find even people that would want to buy it or even really want to list it. You know what I mean? Because of just some of the issues. So she ended up selling it to a guy. I don't know, he was a flipper, you know. And uh she got a decent amount for it, but then she moved to California PA.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03Into like uh high rise.
SPEAKER_00Like senior. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Senior high rise.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And her brother lived there too. Okay. So that was really awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Like her brother had lived there for four or five years, and he was everyone loved him there. And so when they knew that Pete's sister was coming, she was already a So Pete's the mayor.
SPEAKER_00Uncle Pete's like the mayor. He was. Yeah. And so now your mom has like an easy entry. Yes. Yes. Gets to meet people. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So it was cool. And Uncle Pete was a Vietnam vet that never worked after Vietnam. He had severe mental health disabilities from Vietnam. And he didn't have like a social existence until we went there. It was wild.
SPEAKER_01That's also wow.
SPEAKER_03He would like, he was always the caretaker. Like when my dad was sick and I was in school, and my brother was in school, and my mom was working, he would come sit with my dad every day.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_03You know, he's the one that I was his power of attorney to, uh, very close. You know, he babysat us. He was, he lived with my grandfather. So, you know, he cared for him his whole life. Like he was the family caregiver.
SPEAKER_00He kind of was your family mayor, too.
SPEAKER_03He was, he was. He never had the mental health issues were never anything bad to others. You know what I mean? It was just demons that he had. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, it's awesome that your mom had him. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, when she moved. It was great.
SPEAKER_00But again, like for the teabags who are not Pittsburgh familiar, yes, California, Pennsylvania is about, it's like 45. 45 minutes south of Pittsburgh. South of Pittsburgh. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that's where I grew up about 10 minutes, give or take, from there. So that's the general sense of where I grew up.
SPEAKER_00Got it. And Bellsville, for anybody interested in looking that up, because I had a hell of a time with that, because I didn't realize that it was one of those places that is pronounced differently than it's spelled.
SPEAKER_03It sure is. It's B-E-A. L L S V I L'Asie.
SPEAKER_00I was like, that is not Bell's.
SPEAKER_03I know. So Angela always said that too. She's like, that's not Bell's. No. I'm like, I know.
SPEAKER_00When I went to try to look up Bellsville, it tried to give me some place in some other state as if I was not choosing the right spot.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00All right. Now we found it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00B-E-A-L-L S-V. Yeah, yeah. Okay. We got it. Bellsville. It's wrong.
SPEAKER_03It is.
SPEAKER_02It is.
SPEAKER_00So put your mom about, and you guys are like more local too. You're like in Bridgeville, right?
SPEAKER_03Uh Scott Township. Okay, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So yeah, so she was probably at that point about a 45, 50-minute drive.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So how old were you when her diagnosis happened?
SPEAKER_03So I would have been 37. Okay. So when my dad passed away, I would have been 27. And when she got her diagnosis, I was 37.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha. And so that would have been like 2017-ish? Is that about Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That's exactly it. October 2017.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Because this is all about, you know, grief and particularly loss of moms, but loss of parents, period, and because you've lost them both. Can you share a little bit about what it was like? What that gut punch feels like when you find because it's different when it's your mom.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It is it hits different when it's your mom and it hits different when you're very close with your mom. That was one of the hardest days of my life. And so are you comfortable sharing a little bit about like how you found out? Were you with her when the diagnosis came through? Like what was that like for you?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. So we were actually at oh I can't even remember. She called me and she was like, because she was a smoker, smoke, cigarette smoker since she was 15.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And at the time I was a smoker too. Sure. Since I was 15 as well. You know? Um and uh to my brother and dad's chagrin, of course, they hated it. But and I hated it when I was young. That was so funny. But then I, you know.
SPEAKER_00It happens to all of us.
SPEAKER_03It does. It does. But uh, she said that she just felt like she got hit in her back, and then the pain just stayed. And she always said that it was her youngest brother, my uncle Jamie, who died when he was 50. He has four boys, and his youngest boys were uh the same age as me. And we were very close, and we we were there the night. We stayed overnight, so like his my mom and aunt, they could all go home and sleep, you know, his not last night of his life.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_03So she swore that it was him hitting her, saying, Go to the doctor and get checked. Like she always said that after after that day, you know. She was like, that was Jamie telling me I had to go get checked out. But I think if it was him, he would have done it much sooner because it turned out being a little bit too late. Yeah, yeah. You know? So I think it was she called me and she'd been saying that it was she's just having the this is really bothering her. So we took her to the emergency room in Washington, Ang and I, because she said, you know, it's just really bothering me. And I said, Well, let's go. I'll come get you, we'll take you to the hospital. And she trusted Washington Hospital, that was the one she wanted to go to. So we went there, and the ER doctor, hospitalist, what hospitalist, whatever he was, he was a dick. I mean, it was the worst. He was just so, and I know you have to be cold and or you have to be matter of fact, but you don't have to be a cold dick about it. You don't, you know, and he was just wouldn't let her speak. And like, he was truly just an asshole. And he said, you know, there's something in there, it's a tumor, we're gonna, you're gonna have to get extra, get more tests and all this shit. And uh, so she got sent home and then had, you know, tests the next couple days. Sure. And then, but that's the day that I think I knew, you know, we knew, we knew. Like you're saying there's something there. So that was the day that I think everything changed. Yeah. You know, just in in me, you know, I was like, that's when I went into I gotta do whatever it takes to keep her going. I gotta do whatever she needs to keep her good. Yeah. You know, that that switch just flipped. Yeah, and I think it probably flipped a long time ago because that's why I called her every day, but it went in the a super hyper focused mode.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, and I think too, like, I mean, all relationships shift and change over time, and and again, it's just one more shift, right? It's it strengthens in a way, but there's also just realization, okay, well, now it's it's changing again, and and so it's go time, right? So yeah, it was go time in a different way before when you lost your dad. Now it's go time in this, you know, other different way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I got to have a different relationship with my mom than I did with my dad, because I never really got to be an adult with my dad. Right. You know, I was still in college, I was still an idiot. Like, I we never got the same connection. Me and my mom, like my mom, the biggest Steeler fan in the world, she would get up and NFL Network was on all the time, unless it was one of the four big tennis tournaments. That's what was on. Football or tennis, or maybe a show if it's late. But like, she's woke up to good morning football. She won, I mean, she recorded Steeler games. Wow, she would watch the Super Bowl from 05 over and over again, and I'd walk in and she'd be screaming at the ref. And I'm like, mom, you know, we win. She was like, I don't care, it was a bad call, you know. And I'm like, oh. I fucking love that so much. Oh, she was just, she was truly my best friend. Yeah, and the I the person I was closest with because of those circumstances, you know, like we just uh she was everything, you know. So I just that was the worst day ever.
SPEAKER_00Were you at that point, were you working?
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, I was working at a staffing agency at the time. Okay. So I was recruiting travel nurses, and I had been there a a little over five years. So it was, I had I was able to like go on FMLA and help take her to things, but as natural angelized fashion, what happened was she got diagnosed with lung cancer, uh, went to a phenomenal doctor. Uh, I can't even remember his name now. Because I forget his name now. You you would think that's something you'd remember forever.
SPEAKER_00He was a great doctor, but it's amazing the details that you remember versus the details that just let you blank on. Right? Because it will like a traumatic fucking time that you know that you go through. And yeah. And he could have been the greatest guy, and you're like, Yeah, I just forget.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I know, and it'll come to me when I'm driving home. The person was like, damn it, Karen, I got it.
SPEAKER_00Just message me and I'll make sure it gets in the intro. I love it. I'll just warn everybody here's what's coming later. Adam's gonna forget, but this is what that doctor's name is. Now you'll know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Oh, he was a good guy though. You know, he really was. And he suggested, you know, some chemo and radiation. He thought that was he was uh I what I liked about him is he wouldn't put time frames on things. He didn't believe in like giving a here's a percentage or anything like that. He's like, because if I do that, that's what you're gonna focus on. Of course. I don't want that. So he thought that this was a good treatment to do, you know. So I think it was uh maybe like eight or ten chemo. I think it was twice a week she would go.
SPEAKER_01No crime.
SPEAKER_03And then she would do radiation uh a couple times a week, too. So we did that, and at the end of that, everything it was working a little bit, but she was it was beating her up a lot, yeah. You know, she was 74 at the time, so it was a lot for her. Yeah, it was really beating her up. She it she had a hard time eating, the pain pills, she would get plugged up all the time and have to go, you know, it was like just so many issues. Uh, but it was working, so then they were like, okay, we can stop for a little while. So we Stopped for a little while and then she had a little a couple months where she was pretty good, which was awesome because you know she was able to cook for that Easter.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And it just that was the last holiday meal she was able to make, you know what I mean? Like so. But stuff that meant stuff to her.
SPEAKER_00She was able to kind of like do and enjoy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for a little bit.
SPEAKER_00But let's like, before we get to that part though, I do because I know you're saying it beat her up, and of course it did because it's chemo and it's radiation. Yeah, obviously. But like you're also getting beat up a little bit too because you're probably you're her primary caretaker and you got the FMLA, which was great, but could you kind of describe like what that entailed? Because she's in California, you're in Scott Township, and her doctor is where?
SPEAKER_03Uh Washington.
SPEAKER_00So now, so what are you you're like multiple times a week?
SPEAKER_03Multiple times a week. I would get up, you know, six o'clock, drive, drive about 45 minutes down to pick her up, and then drive a half hour back up towards Pittsburgh to take her to the doctor. Yeah. And then I'd take her 20 minutes south to go to her sister's house because we grew, she grew up next, or she lived next to her sister, my aunt. So her thing was she always wanted her sister to see that she was okay after treatment. So we would always have to stop and see Aunt Marg, which I love too. Aunt Marg was great. And then we would then I would take her home to California, and then I would drive home. And at that time we were in Bridgeville. There's a cool part of the story to that too, which I haven't shared with you yet. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So with my work, while all this is going on, I was on FMLA, but Ann started working at a local home health agency, and they found out I was in staffing, and they were thinking about starting a staffing company. So they the owner wanted me to come in and talk to him. So I went in and talked to him and I ended up leaving with a job offer.
SPEAKER_02That's so crazy.
SPEAKER_03I just went in and talked to him about something, and I leave with a job. Talked herself into another one. Yeah, I did. I did. And with another parent that's dying, you know, which is ridiculous. But luckily, at least this was a home health agency. So it was it, they were phenomenal. I mean, uh, they're the best. Yeah, in my opinion. They're truly the best, Gallagher. They're the best. So, you know, that's what work was at the time. I ended up transitioning into a new position. While you're going because my mom was in a decent spot at that time. So I thought, okay.
SPEAKER_00Now's the time.
SPEAKER_03Now's the time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, and then a week later she went into the hospital and never came home again.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It was it was it was like parallels. Parallels. So much, so many parallels.
SPEAKER_03Crazy.
SPEAKER_00Now, and like, okay, just let's sidebar on that for a minute. We didn't talk about that before either. What does that do to you? Like your head space, man.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it fucks you up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's like as you're saying it, I'm like, that is the world's biggest mind fuck. Like, I cannot, I can't imagine.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because like it was, I went from the end of the world to okay, now we have some time. And when you're in it, you don't see how finite that time really is. Sure. You know, it it you just don't. And and that's with everything, but it it really affects you when it's something like that. Of course. Later, you know, that that's something that you always have regrets about this, that, or other. But time is the biggest.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I can't even imagine what that would have felt like.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it was it was truly awful because like Ang is a great support, you know, great support. And she was just phenomenal because she's a social worker, so she helped me navigate everything. But you know, like I didn't have anyone that really had been through what I had been going through. Yeah, you know, and I didn't I just didn't feel relatable for a long time at that time.
SPEAKER_00It's funny because one of the things that you know comes up when I chatted with Jen is the whole reality of caretakers needing somebody to like care for them because it is so incredibly it's draining, it's exhausting, it's stressful. Yeah, and you have to somehow find it in yourself to keep pushing. You're pushing through, and in a way, you're putting on sometimes a brave face for the person you're taking care of. Yeah, and there's not a lot of time while you're going through it for like any kind of self-care or reflection. And then what ends up happening is, and and I'm sure we'll get to this because I I know you experienced it. We we chatted about it, I know I experienced it, which is delayed grief. Because you don't you're like, well, this is something I don't know how to deal with now, and I'm just gonna put that in this box and we're gonna lock it up, and we're not gonna talk about it, and I'm gonna go on my merry way and live my life.
SPEAKER_02That's it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and so and and you had the double whammy of like going through some of the same steps with your mom that you went through with your dad, which is like fucking crazy.
SPEAKER_03Crazy, yeah, crazy. I just I couldn't believe it. You know, yeah, uh it's insane. I don't want to shit on anybody.
SPEAKER_00Talk to me a little bit though about I think before we kind of get to to some of that stuff, like one of your visits with that you had with your mom and your aunt. Yeah. Because you did a thing that I think is the coolest fucking thing I've ever heard.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so I would love it if you would share that.
SPEAKER_03Well, and this is truly if anyone gets anything out of this whole conversation, I want everyone to take away this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because if you're in a chance, if you're ever in a situation, this is the greatest thing you could ever do.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, so like we said, uh, my mom always wanted to stop at her sister's house, my aunt's, to so that she could see that she was okay. And it it was great, you know. It was her older sister. My mom was the middle of five. So my aunt was the oldest of five, and uh, and she outlived all of them, which is funny.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but uh I gotta tell you, as an oldest, that scares the shit out of me. But yeah, who's okay?
SPEAKER_03She did. So we went over the one day, and it was it my uh my mom sounds real healthy, so it must have been closer to the beginning of the treatments, I think. Because she it wasn't beating her down yet. Like in the video that I played for you before we started, that's closer to the end. Yeah, you know, that was like April, so she died in June.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So that was closer to the end where you can hear that she's sick. In the video that I have, or the audio that I have, she isn't sick, but they just started reminiscing, and I don't even remember how it came up. It was actually right after my brother's birthday because they're talking. My aunt said she called my brother for his birthday. Okay, and I said I didn't, and I had to call him. And I called him that night. I did, but uh, because I told him what I did. So that's the only reason I remember the day. That's funny. They were just reminiscing about like they grew up in a town in a town very close to California, PA, and they their home was the central gathering point for the family. And they always had an aunt or an uncle living there. There were always people over. It was just very close, very, very close. Yeah, so they were reminiscing about that, and I just pulled up my cell phone and I hit record. They didn't even know. They're just talking about the old days, about this and that. And just like this, I'd ask a question to lead a little bit. Of course, but they had no idea. They're just talking, like they're just sitting in the kitchen. Yeah, and I got 20 minutes of that gold.
SPEAKER_00That's so awesome. Yes. When you first told me about it, like I legit got chills because oh my god, it would I give anything to have a 20-minute recorded session with my mom? Like that would be amazing.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yeah, it's it's gold. On the anniversary of her death, on her birthday, I listen to it at least four times a year. I do.
SPEAKER_00Was it hard the first first few times?
unknownUh yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or does it just bring joy?
SPEAKER_03A mix of both, you know, a mix of both, I think. I think you know what's weird. I think it got harder after my aunt died, too. I I think now that both of them are gone, I think that's when it got hard. I think it was pure joy at the beginning. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because you still had this like piece of her. Yeah. You can still hear her.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That is so cool.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it's I I encourage anyone, anyone, and and it by no means does it say that you're accepting this or anything like that. But it is just to have someone talking passionately about anything, whether it's family, anything, uh, to have that gold, yeah, do it. You know, like get people talking, set out the phone, record it. It's priceless.
SPEAKER_00It really is. And I think, you know, the more you hear about, I mean, even something as simple as this, like doing a podcast, there are tons of people who do podcasts that are conversations. They're just friends sitting around having a yap, or people talking to, you know, people that they've just met and having a yap. And like in your case, it's their family, right? So it's not just that you're getting her voice and your aunt's voice, but they're also talking about like your people, right? They're your hit, that's your history.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00And you and you have that now. It's such a gift, it is such an amazing gift.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I I hope everyone does it, yeah. Truly.
SPEAKER_00That was really awesome. And then, so and then what did your brother do?
SPEAKER_03So it was so funny at the time. I was so mad because, like I said, it was his birthday. I called him and I was like, guess what I did? You know, I said, I I I just recorded Mom and Aunt Mark, and I said it's priceless, you know? And he got jealous that I had done that. So later on, uh, two months later, uh, I don't know if it was the next time he was home, or it probably wasn't the next time, but he got my mom, he asked my mom to record something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03At the time I was furious.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But now it's even better than the one I got because his is her telling us that we're gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Her telling us that she has no regrets in her life. Her telling us that she knows we have a great family that supports us and that she knows we can get through this, you know. Like to me, that's her saying that she succeeded. You know, like she got to see her success, and she was okay with everything, and she was a piece. Yeah. But at the time, I looked at it as she saw herself as defeated, and I didn't see her as defeated at that time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Even though I knew she was dying.
SPEAKER_00It just to me dying isn't the same as defeated.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, like I don't know. I just I was so mad that he did it, but yeah, you heard it, it's beautiful.
SPEAKER_00It is beautiful, and I get that, like as a sibling, as a person with siblings, I understand like how you felt then, but it is beautiful, and you know, it almost doesn't matter how his came about versus how yours came about. You now both have these two beautiful, amazing recordings that hold different meaning, but you you have her voice. Yeah, you have her voice, yeah. One without her knowledge, or she's just chatting, yeah, but one where she actually gets to tell you stuff that a lot of people don't necessarily have the opportunity to tell their kids. Some people never hear that. Some people never hear that.
SPEAKER_03I never thought I would.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know, yeah, it was really cool. So, just like for the listeners, just so that you know, Adam played it when he first got here, and it's his brothers, and it is really awesome. Like, I found myself not just getting chills, I was tearing up a little bit because again, it's like imagining I could imagine had my mom had the ability to do that, or had we had the wherewithal to even think about like recording some time with her, and we just never did. That would be awesome to have. I would like treasure that forever. Yeah, tell me you've got that saved in like multiple locations, multiple.
SPEAKER_03Yes. I I every phone that I've had since then, it still has it on it. I love it. Yeah, I will not lose it. No, and like uh my cousins, my aunt's daughters, I send it to them uh every year after their mom died. You know, like I'm like, hey, here's this. So cool. Check it out.
SPEAKER_00So cool. Yeah, but you guys ended up doing one other really what I thought was a really awesome thing too for your mom because you did kind of know at some point, like, okay, so she had like this time, but shit's back now, or it's getting worse again.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And how did that come about? Like, you did you ask her like what she wanted to do, if there was something she wanted to do?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you know, it was really that that kind of question you ask when you find out that you know there is gonna be an end here soon. So once we knew that, we said, Mom, anything you want, what do you want? You know, we want to make whatever you want come true. Yeah, and she just wanted a party. She wanted a party to see all her family. And for the rest of her life after that day, she could not believe the impact she had on other people. She couldn't believe how many people came to this party. It was amazing. My New York family, one of my New York cousins who doesn't talk to other parts of the New York family. He was there. Wow, you know, because the impact he and she had on him, like just everyone, everyone that knew her. Yeah, she impacted everyone that knew her, truly.
SPEAKER_00So she got a party.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so she got a party. She did.
SPEAKER_00I love that you guys did that for her.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it was the greatest thing. And and the day of the party, we took her back to the hospital.
SPEAKER_00Wow. So that was like, and then from that point on, she was for a day.
SPEAKER_03I mean, really for a day. They were like, hey, she, I don't know. We're like, look, she wants it. We're doing this party.
SPEAKER_00We're doing it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Damn.
SPEAKER_03And then my brother shows up and he's like, let's see, can we move the party down to her place? I was like, absolutely not. No. I was like, what are you talking about? Your only job is to get mom to the party. And he was like, Can we move it? I was like, no. So I went to pick her up because him and my sister-in-law and my nephew were there, and they just thought she was in too bad a shape, you know, that she couldn't travel. I walked in, she's dressed, laying in bed. I was like, You ready to go? She said, I'm ready. Got her in a wheelchair. We went. We were partying. She wasn't missing that. No. There was, and and there was no rerouting it at that stage. Like there was a whole party waiting for her.
SPEAKER_00Yep. Where did where did you have it?
SPEAKER_03It was in Bellsville. There was a uh, there's a it's called the Bellsville Civic Center. It's where ever it's where my graduation party was. Everybody that lives in Bellsville, when someone dies, gets married, or uh has any reason to have a party, that's where it's at.
SPEAKER_00Got it. You know, yeah, the one place.
SPEAKER_03It is the one place, yeah. So it was there and it was phenomenal. Yeah, like everyone came. It was just great. Yeah, truly.
SPEAKER_00You guys are good kids.
SPEAKER_03We try. I try. I wasn't always, you know.
SPEAKER_00That's all right. You were when it counted.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, and that's what's funny. Like, I always thought that I was okay with good at dealing with this stuff because you know, I grew up in a small town. I hung out with the people that probably were the wrong people, you know. But a lot of my friends, I had a lot of friends die in uh high school and right after high school. I I think at one point I had had 13 people that were pretty close to me die. My brother was like one person in my whole class has died. Yeah, you know, like it was just such a difference.
SPEAKER_00That's massive, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Massive. I only graduated with 107, and I bet we've lost 20 or something like that. Yeah, I mean, like just crazy. And and a lot of people that I was very close with, you know, I lost a lot of really close friends. One was killed in Iraq, one a couple of drug addicts, you know, a couple different things, you know. Sure. Or overdoses. And then my uncle, I told you about my mom's brother who died when we stayed, you know, like I had I had been around and seen a lot of death, and I felt very strong, and that I felt like I could be that person that can handle this, and just I I thought it was something I was great at. It wasn't until my mom that I realized, and after, you know, after that I realized that's not something I'm good at anymore, you know. No, she again, it's it changed everything.
SPEAKER_00When it's your mom, yeah, it changed everything. Changed everything. It's interesting. I it's like my sister and I talk about that every now and again, too. How we're we just tend to be the ones in the family who kind of it's not because we can handle it, it's just that we can handle it. We were in the room when my grandfather passed away. Like the hospital was not supposed to take him off of life support until a certain time. They had told my grandmother, go down to the cafeteria, get food. She leaves with my mom, and my sister and I are in the room, and the tech comes in and starts unhooking him from stuff. I'm like eight months pregnant with my first kid. I so I can't run. I'm not running to the cafeteria. So I'm like, uh, my sister is also Ange, by the way. So I'm tell I'm telling my Ange, I'm like, Ange, you gotta run and get them. Like, what? Because I'm asking the tech, what the fuck are you doing? And they're like, Yeah, well, we have orders to take them off. And I was like, You're not supposed to be doing that right now. Yet. And they were like, no, I mean, we just go, we got the orders, and they're just doing their jobs, but again, you want to talk about like cold, non-communicative, whatever. Yeah, and exactly in the room while my grandfather I'm watching my grandfather flatline in the room. We were also with my grandmother when she passed away. She um in the hospital, but under hospice care in the hospital um when she passed away. And so, yeah, by the time it was my mom, my mom only died a year and a few months after her own mother. Wow. My mom was a little bit on the younger side, she was 60 when she died. Yeah. And so, um, but I was the same age as you. Like, I was 37 when I lost my mom.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it's true, like, we handled a lot of shit. And all the medical stuff. My my one brother and I were uh medical power of attorney because my dad's an idiot. We handled that aspect of it. The four kids mostly coordinated like her care. It's not that my dad did nothing, he did. I don't want to take that from him, but he is had nothing to do with the decision-making process, and we handled all of that. Yeah, we were all with her when she passed away, too. And that is that was the worst thing that I've ever experienced. And I thought I would be okay to handle it because I had done this before.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I know exactly what you mean. It's totally different when you're watching your mom.
SPEAKER_03You know, but it was weird when watching my mom, though, because I was there as well, you know, we were there. Of course, and uh it was actually just me, my brother, and my inj in the room at the time because uh Lauren was in for the weekend. Lauren and CJ, Angela's brother-in-law and sister, they were in, they were living in South Carolina, and Colton, they were in uh because Colton's birthday and Michelle, their other sister, their birthday is both June 5th. My I I get the call June 4th, you know, you better come down. Yeah. And so me and Michelle and John, my best friend, uh went down to the facility where she was at. And then, you know, she made it through the night. I called my aunt. All our family came in and we were all there. And then everyone was going to eat, or, you know, Lauren and CJ had to, I don't remember if they drove or if they don't, I I think they drove. They were getting ready to go back home. So they were going to say goodbye to his parents and stuff. Uh my in-laws had just, or they were still there, maybe, but out in the hallway with my sister-in-law, my brother's wife, and my nephew. And uh, we were just in there, the three of us, and she passed.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And it was weird with her because I felt a weight off of my shoulders.
SPEAKER_01Did you?
SPEAKER_03I truly did. As devastated as I was, I truly felt physically a weight the minute she stopped breathing.
SPEAKER_00Really?
SPEAKER_03So weird.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I don't I don't know that it's weird. I yeah, it's awesome that that was your experience. I had almost the opposite. I felt like this crushing weight of disbelief. Yeah. Well, because you went, like you were watching it happen.
SPEAKER_03Now yours was a little different too.
SPEAKER_00A little bit, a little bit, but yeah, I felt nothing but weight. It was like I couldn't get the weight off my chest because I was like, this cannot fucking be real. Yeah. How is this real? I know. How is this my life now? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I think that came for me just a little bit. And probably like the next day. Yeah. Truly. Not fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not it didn't take long.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03But it was just that in that one second, it did. I really felt a physical, it was the weirdest experience of my life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. You know, one of the things that we had talked about when we first started talking about this was how grief is not linear. And it's funny how like you feel different emotions at different times, and like none of them are in, it's not like in a chronological succession. It's not like, well, I felt this. And then the next day I got a little better and I felt this. And then that you know, it's it's never like that. So it's funny, like you had the same feeling, you just didn't have it at the same time that I did. Yes. How how did you handle like sort of the aftermath of all of that? Like Because I know when we talked, you said like you just didn't, you didn't grieve right away.
SPEAKER_03I didn't, you know, because uh immediately I had to start cleaning out her apartment, you know, and and and we had so in the interim, so when she when we found out that she was had cancer, so in October, my dad had a has a twin brother, my uncle, and they inherited a real estate company from their uh Wright Brothers. Okay. It's a big real estate company in Knight, New York, and they inherited their dad or their father and his brother started this, and then my dad and his brother inherited it. Well, when my dad moved down to here, he you know left the company and my uncle kept it and kept it going, still going now. He's not doing it anymore, he sold it, but you know, it's still going. Sure. But my uncle, he knew that it wasn't good, you know, with my mom. So he helped me and my brother both buy a house so that my mom could know that we'd be good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03So that's why we moved from Bridgeville to Scott. Okay, because my uncle was very generous to help us. Yeah, that's really awesome. Yeah, yeah. Really awesome. But he just wanted her to know that, like, hey, don't worry about them. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So that was really that was the one thing I said that I was gonna tell you that I didn't tell you. Yeah, that was really cool. Very cool. So that helped. But so on top of everything, we were moving. Yeah, I moved jobs, moving, all this. So that's why that I had that physical weight off. But after it was, it didn't stop because I was my uncle, her brother, who lived in the same building, I was his medical power of attorney, and I was his caregiver now, you know. I mean, and I had been anyway. I would take him to the VA for his appointments, things like that. But then, you know, two months after she died, he has a severe stroke. My God. And is in the VA now. Yeah. And so I went from losing my mom, cleaning out her place. We were still redoing our kitchen at our house. Like, I never had one second to even, even though it hit me every day when I would leave work and I would go to my phone to call her and talk about what the Steelers did or what the pirates did or whatever. Yep. And I couldn't do it. That was the only time it was hitting me, you know? Like it was because I was always going. I always had to be on the move. I never got to just sit and take this in. Yep.
SPEAKER_00I was just gonna say getting hit with it is one thing, but you're putting it aside, right? Like you're not sitting with it, you're not giving it any kind of space. No, you're you're hit with it and you're like, can't deal with that right now. Yeah, gotta go on to the next.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I didn't know that I was doing that. I was just sure, you know, trying to survive that.
SPEAKER_02You know, like absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03It was wild. So I didn't deal with it for a long time. Yeah. You know, it was it was it just was one thing to another. After another, after another. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And for you, so it's funny because I did the same thing. My mom was still living in York County. So I was driving from here to there over the course of the two months back and forth. And so you're trying to figure out two households. And so after it happened, I, you know, I come home and I had also like was getting ready to start a new job. Um, managing that around. Um, my mom's dying, and I can't actually go in for this training right now. So, can I just put that off for like another couple of weeks? And so, same thing. And then my so one week after my mom died, my oldest graduated from high school. So, I'm trying to deal with like I don't even I cannot tell you um much about his graduation party because everybody else in my life basically pitched in and like did all the things because I could not, I was I didn't even know which way was up at that point. So, you know, then he goes to college, we're taking him to college at the end of the summer. I ended up stopping that job after so many months. I started a brand new job that actually took me out of the house for like I was traveling to the center of Pennsylvania every week and like staying there on site and then coming home for like long weekends. And I did that for a couple of years, and so it was like one thing after another after another, we buy this house, we move into this house. Same thing. It's all life things, nothing out of the ordinary, right? It's just life stuff. But suddenly I find that everything else is on the back burner, and it probably for me didn't hit me until about five years after she died. It was like one summer. I did all the things I had to do. I like, I would get up, I would do my job, I would travel to clients if I had to, I would take care of whatever things needed to be taken care of. But at the end of my workday, I was on the couch in front of the TV, doing nothing. And I didn't really want to do stuff. I made myself do the needful, and it took me that entire summer of time to realize oh yeah, you know what I haven't thought about? Yeah, my mom dying. Like we we've not dealt with these things, you know? Right. So, but for you, you actually had like mine was normal life stuff. You had that, but you had some other shit mixed in too, right? So you have your uncle's health, and you end up losing your uncle.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You end up losing Aunt Marg after your mom. Yeah, but then you also have your own diagnosis.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, then I get diagnosed with testicular cancer during COVID. So And you had COVID.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like and there's COVID that we're all.
SPEAKER_03This is the like I had a doctor's appointment because, and the only way to explain it is, and again, back to being showing our age, you know, I remember on the playground, boys would ball tap you. Yep, and they would just do a quick flick of the wrist and tap you in the balls, and it hurts worse than getting punched as hard as you can get pumped. It's the worst thing that can happen, like for a guy in the balls. Yes, you know, and so it felt like I was a con in a constant ball tap.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow.
SPEAKER_03Like, so it's affecting my sleeping. Of course, of course. I'm irritable because my ball hurts and I can't sleep, you know, all this. Yes. So it was terrible. And then it was the week I had an appointment the week they shut everything down. So they're like, oh, hey, by the way, we're not seeing patients anymore. Holy shit. I'm like, oh, that's fucking great. So now I gotta wait until everything opens back up again. Are you for real? Yeah. So for three months, I was just in misery. My ball hurt. Yeah. I was just, it was terrible. I was irritable, everything. Sure. Yeah, as you can imagine.
SPEAKER_00So then finally. And I imagine you probably can't even do an ER at that point either because like people were going to ERs with fucking COVID.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. Like there wasn't, there was really nothing. I was just waiting until I could get an appointment again. Jesus.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03So then I finally got an appointment and uh with the urologist, he thought it was, I forget, the epididymitis or some, I don't know. I probably didn't say that right at all. He thought it was something that could be treated with an antibiotics. So he gave me a month-long antibiotic. No results. He's like, you know, we'll try one more month. I'm like, okay, let's do this. So then we do one more month. Nothing. He's like, I think we just have to take it out. You know, he said, it's dead, it's not doing you any good. This is before he saw any cancer on it. He's like, I think we should just take it out.
SPEAKER_00I I don't know what's so how does how is he coming to this conclusion? Like, have you had like I had an ultrasound?
SPEAKER_03Ultra. Yeah, had some tests done. Got it. And he could tell that the tissue is dead.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03And it it's not doing my body any good. It's just dead tissue in there.
SPEAKER_00Got it.
SPEAKER_03So he was like, I think we should just remove it. I said, okay. Sounds good to me.
SPEAKER_00Because this fucking hurts. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because I've been getting kicked into balls for six months now. You know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So I was like, yes, let's do it as soon as possible. You know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so he I had the surgery, which by the way, I had no idea it was like a C-section. I thought he's gonna cut my sackpull bar. Yeah. No, they cut you up here and they take all the wiring out, too. Are you for real? Yeah, I couldn't believe it. But damn. Like, yeah, like it's up by your waistline where they cut you. I was like, I had no idea this was what this would be.
SPEAKER_00I would never have thought that. I know, right? And I don't, I mean, I'm this is fascinating. Yeah. Because I don't have one. Well, that's why I throw it out there. Because it seems like you would just, you know, right. You know, kind of like when you get a vasectomy and you're like, you just go in, snip, snip.
SPEAKER_03Yes. You just go in, pull it right out. Yeah. No, no, not that not with this one.
SPEAKER_00Not how I would have done it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So I have the surgery, you know, and then it's, I don't know, maybe a week or two, whatever. I'm going back to get cleared for like just being good, you know, like, hey, you're good for normal duty. Sure. And uh, I walk in and he's like, good thing we took that out and had cancer in it. Oh my god. I was like, what?
SPEAKER_00What the hell, man? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And he was like, Yeah, they when they got it to the lab, he said, I saw something that I wasn't sure about on it. But yeah. So I was like, I thought I'm coming to get cleared. Now he's telling me now you gotta go to an oncologist. Shit. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I'm 40 years old. Yeah. My parents both died of cancer, yeah, and they were diagnosed much later in life than I am.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03You know, I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Oh, it's terrifying. Yeah. Terrifying.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then then I had to deal with all that shit. So now they wanted you had to do treatment for that, right? Like I didn't. You didn't. I didn't because it was it was all gone. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Very lucky. Very. Um, so I didn't have to do any chemo, no radiation, like nothing. It was good. Gone. I just had to, you know, I I still actually have my bruise from my oncologist. This is my five-year, I have my five-year scan, and as long as it's good, I don't have to go back.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. Yeah. When is that?
SPEAKER_03Um I just had it.
SPEAKER_00You just had to scan.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's they blew up my vein because the guy missed it. Yeah, this looks anything good, but and this is last week, so it was holy shit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_03But, you know, now I'm good. Totally good. Totally good.
SPEAKER_00So you had you dealt with that, and then COVID, of course. COVID. So at what point did you because you'd said you got to a place where you finally just realized, you know what, I'm okay. Like specific to the grief.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Do you was it something that happened? Was it a gradual realization? Or did you just like suddenly wake up at some point and say, I just need to sit with this shit?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like, oh yeah, I'm okay.
SPEAKER_03I think that I really think that's what it was. I can't pinpoint any specific. I never sat down and had a breakdown or anything. You know, I would listen to Ed Sharon's Supermarket Flowers and cry a little bit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I Which I still do for the teabags who want to make fun of me, like Supermarket Flowers gets me every fucking time.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Every time. We played it at my mom's funeral, you know. Oh my God. Because it was so perfect. Jen is the one that even said it. She said it to me. She was like, you gotta listen to this song. It's beautiful. John is my best friend, and like it even says, you know, he says John in the song. You know, it's just like crazy. So uh that would get me, you know, with my dad for years, his birthday was the worst day of the year for me, you know. And it was his birthday and his death day, you know, the anniversary of those days, I would just shut down. I I would listen to Harry Chapin, I would listen to Meatloaf, because that's what we listened to, that's what he listened to, you know. Like, so I would just soak in my dad as much as possible. But after my mom died, her days became my worst day. And she was fucking with me because she died on Michelle and Colton's birthday, June 5th. June 5th. Oh my god. She died on their fucking birthday. So like the first couple years, it was tough to even. I didn't want to be around anyone that day. Sure. And I gotta be around everybody. And it's a party. It's a right, right! Happy fucking birthday! Yay! Good time fucking Adam. You know what I mean? So like I'm expected to be good time Adam at this goddamn party that is the worst fucking day of the year for me.
SPEAKER_00And even better, good time Uncle Adam on the one hand as well. Right. Because kids don't understand. They have no idea. Of course not. And they sh and they shouldn't.
SPEAKER_03No, they shouldn't at all. Yeah. And my mom loved him. You know, she did it. So I really think it happened just because. So I wouldn't. Maybe so she forced you a little bit. I think she forced me to get over that shit. Yep. Because it was a couple years later, you know, uh, I had to just, I gotta keep going. You know, like this day, I cannot take away from their fucking day because I want to be a whiny mess about something.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but we could just call it sad. It's not because you're a whiny mess.
SPEAKER_03But you know, I can be. So like I just, I, I, I, I had to, you know? And and and when I realized that, I realized that I did, you know, like I'm like, okay, I'm I'm I'm okay with this now. Yeah, you know, like I so I don't know what it really was that, but those first couple anniversary oh, it was terrible. Terrible, terrible. I just didn't want to be.
SPEAKER_00I I don't really have dates, I don't think, that really get me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um my aunt does because her sister, so my mom and my sister, or her sister, were the oldest and youngest in their family of five. Oh yeah. And they shared a birthday. Oh so my aunt, who is you know still with us, she she struggles every year to give a shit about her birthday. She's like, I don't even want to celebrate, like, I don't even care. And I get it. It sucks. It does, it does suck.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Um, but I don't really have like days like that. I mean, we will sometimes celebrate her birthday, like you know, my siblings and I will we at least will text you. We have a sibling thread, of course. Of course. We'll text each other, like, happy birthday, mom, you know, things like that. But it's not a specific day for me, and I'm wondering if you have something similar. So your mom's was not as fast, although I guess arguably after her treatment, you know, and she had like that little bit of time, and then you know, it kind of went quicker from that.
SPEAKER_03It did.
SPEAKER_00For me, my my mom got sick and died. I told you it was like two months from diagnosis to death, and it was basically um almost the entirety of spring, two-thirds of spring. To this day, I marvel when it's spring because I missed it. When I was when I first started driving from Pittsburgh to her house to or to hospitals in Baltimore or wherever it was that she was at, the when we first were, you know, heard that she was having issues, it was like no leaves on the trees. Everything was dead. Yeah, everything was dead and cold and dead, and and I remember driving back home after she had passed away and we dealt with like the cremation and all of the things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I'm driving home and you know, in the car by myself, and there are leaves on the trees, and it's warm.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it was weird. It was like I missed this happen. Yeah, like I missed this entire like time encapsulated in this season.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So anyway, I just was curious, like, did you have any sort of weird lapse that way at all?
SPEAKER_03I don't know that I really did, you know. I I think my weird lapse was just from the year uh, and I don't even know what year it was, but when it was just okay, you know, like I don't know. I can't think of anything else really that would be like that. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yep. I Christmas always gets me because my mom always Christmas was a big deal, you know. Like we would decorate our we would get a tree, decorate it, and she would always over-decorate it. So now I feel like I have to over-decorate ours. And I took all her decorations, you know. And like we have a 1984 PTA, and it's the funny, she loved to tell this story because it was when when my brother was in you know, second grade or something, and my mom was on the PTA. It was the first time she ever was on something like that. So they were going to, they wanted to give every kid a Christmas present, and it was gonna be this Christmas ornament. And my mom was like, why don't you do something educational instead of and she got booed out of the meeting, and like because she was like, it's a school, she like just thought it should be like a book or something educational, and they were she got booed out of the meeting, and I I don't think she ever went back to a PTA meeting after that, but we still I still have that PTA ornament, and we hang it. I have a Walmart ornament because she worked at all Walmart for 15 years, so I hang a Walmart ornament next to the PTA ornament, and when she passed away, Jen got me this amazing ornament that just talks about uh, you know, like a loved one. Yeah, and I put that there. So every year on our tree, we have a shrine, yeah, and uh, you know, my sister-in-law Lauren makes her cookies because my mom made sugar cookies that everyone hated, but I love them. They're very different than a normal sugar cookie, you know. Yeah, and my aunt made these gingerbread cookies that uh not everyone likes gingerbread anyway, but these are like real thick, and they're just something special about those cookies for me, you know. And uh so Lauren now, every year at Christmas we'll have a day and she'll make my mom's cookies as well.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Yeah, yeah. That's very cool. Yeah. Before we get to the point where we rap and do three good things about your week, I wanted to ask: do you find yourself looking at the world, life, whatever it is, differently, like through the lens of things you miss with your mom since your mom is gone?
SPEAKER_03I do. I feel, which is weird. I I really feel like after she died and after COVID and my cancer, I came out of that a total different human than I was going into that. How so? I just look at the world differently. You know, I used to think an example is when I was in college, you know, I'd be like, we have a student union. Why do we have a black student union? There shouldn't be why why don't we have a white one? You know, like I just had a different way of thinking. Sure. You know, I didn't see those differences that exist. I didn't, I wasn't aware of things. Okay, I didn't have a heightened level of awareness. I think after all of those, I came out of that with such a different awareness. Yeah, you know, I I I think the George Floyd thing played a part of that. I think there was a lot of things at that time that were happening that really played a part in that. But I truly feel like I took a step in my personal evolution that I never thought I would take. Yeah, you know, and I just I'm a I I I don't like horror movies anymore. I don't know why. After my mom died, I didn't want to watch horror movies anymore. You know, I I I listen to more positive music. I I try and lead a more positive life. I I think in a more positive way. Uh I just I feel like somehow there was an evolution there. Yeah you know? Yeah. Just in every sense of the way, is me growing as a human. Such a great evolution. Yeah. You know, like I feel so much better about the person I am now than I was. Not that I was a bad person, sure. Obviously. I I don't think I was, but I just saw things differently. And I'm glad my eyes have been opened to what I think I should be seeing now.
SPEAKER_00I think that's really it's really interesting. First of all, I think that that's beautiful. And I think it's beautiful that you recognize it and are you know totally comfortable sharing it as well. I went through something similar, and it's funny because I don't think I attributed it, I mean it wasn't because I lost my mom, but that in combination with other things, where I know that there are things that I did differently in my life after we lost her that were mostly because I didn't have her anymore, right? Like, so there were things that I definitely did that changed my world. It changed my my life in a different direction as well. And so I can't say that it was, you know, exactly similar to what you're describing, but definitely different in a way that it vastly improved or changed or altered how we were living, my worldview, um, which was just a lot more expanded after that. It was like we started just doing different things. And it's, I think, the first couple of times, um, at least for me, like I can only speak for myself, but you know, the first couple of times that we Like did big travel or you know, did experience something. I remember flying out to Colorado for the first time for a job, you know, that I was working at the time, seeing the Rocky Mountains for the first time and just thinking, like, my mom never got to see that. Like, how, you know, so you start to not that I I don't use that as a touchstone, like a like, oh my God, I need to live my life for all the things my mom didn't get to. It's not like that. Right. But there are moments where I think, my God, I feel like she would have enjoyed had had her life, you know, extended longer. Like, would I have been able to do some of these things with her? Would I have even done some of these changes that I made in my own life had I not lost her? So it's not lost on me that it was a it was a pivotal moment, whether it was the reason for a change or just part of a like a larger reason for a change. Sure. But it was definitely, I think, a pivotal moment.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. In a lot of ways. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it sounds like for you as well.
SPEAKER_03So much. So much.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And I'm so grateful for it. You know, because these are things that everyone is going to face, and everyone has to. It's just a part of life, unfortunately. So, you know, I I it made me realize like, if I go, and and this is it's cliche. If you go into anything with a negative mindset, you're gonna end up have a negative outcome. But it is, it's it's cliche because it's true.
SPEAKER_00That's right.
SPEAKER_03You know, it it's and that's I I try and look at everything that way now, and I didn't always do that. You know, it was always I was always the antagonizer, I was always the negative. Yeah, I was always that, so it was a big shift for me. Yeah, and I think it was a lot of that, but I'm sure there was other things that went into it too. But sure, yeah, it's awesome, awesome. I love it.
SPEAKER_00I love it too. Yeah, um, all right, so before we wrap, hit me with them. Rolling seven days, three good things.
SPEAKER_03Oh, rolling seven days? So that includes Thanksgiving, right? It does. Yeah, okay. And I was thinking about this coming over on the driveover. I was like, I wonder if I can go back to because I was like, this has been a shit week. But I found some things, so I'm prepared. All right. Uh, I would say, and I'm gonna go with the three shit ones. I'm not even gonna use last week. Not shit ones, but I think they're good. Okay. So when another thing that I started doing around COVID was I started collecting baseball cards again.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03So it just was something like, I don't know, the one day I was like, I just want to open some cards and see what that feels like. I just was wanted to feel young again, you know? And I opened a pack of like 1992 basketball cards and I got a Michael Jordan. I was like, this is great. Like, I miss this. So I just started getting into baseball cards again and football cards and just sports cards, you know. So I found that as a that's been very therapeutic for me too. And it's a whole community of great people that you know it's just really cool. So I found that. So when I found that, I started doing a YouTube channel where I open packs of cards. And I have my own YouTube channel where I do that kind of thing. So this week I have I hit over 750 subscribers, which I was really happy about.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I I was hoping to hit it before the end of the year, and it my last video got me like 40. So it was amazing. It was amazing. So that's one great thing.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03Another great thing is one of the cards from uh an opening I did before, I sold on eBay and it was uh $800 card, so it was a great sale on eBay. Nice, so that was a great thing, and then this conversation I think is the third thing. I love that because I think it is so good to talk about things, and uh some things can be uncomfortable, some things don't have to be uncomfortable. I agree, you know, like it could be uncomfortable to say I lost a ball to cancer, but like who gives a shit? Other people lost all kinds of things. It's true. Like this was a highlight in preparing for this, thinking about things, it just brought back memories. Yeah, it just, you know, I talked to my brother, I talked to my uncle last week. Uh, so it just it was just it really buttoned up Thanksgiving for me. Yeah, truly. Yeah. So that's my third one.
SPEAKER_00I love it. That's awesome. Yeah, I definitely want to make sure that this isn't the only time we chat.
SPEAKER_03Awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. I, well, I love to have a yap, so I do too.
SPEAKER_03I'm a talk, I you know, I'm a recruiter. Like I said, I get paid to talk to people. So I can talk all day. And I talk on YouTube.
SPEAKER_00So like I just do you want to plug your YouTube channel? What's it called?
SPEAKER_03It's good time atom. Uh it's good. Oh, geez. I didn't even think about plugging it. Hold on.
SPEAKER_00That's all right. We're holding turn my phone off. It's okay. I can edit out out the times. Okay, good, good, good.
SPEAKER_03Because I wasn't ready. Um, it's just good time atom. I thought I was Good Time Adam collectibles, but it's just GoTime Adams.
SPEAKER_00Just Good Time Adam. Yeah, why would I be so lame like that?
SPEAKER_03See, I'm not great at it, but stop it. I just do it.
SPEAKER_00All right, so but collectibles cards specifically, but but any of the sports cards, yeah?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. All sports cards.
SPEAKER_00All right.
SPEAKER_03And I just make videos, just me opening packs. So they don't see my face or anything, just my hands in the card.
SPEAKER_00Just opening the packs.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I do have friends that collect, so I'm gonna have to just say to all the teabags who are interested, good time Adam is Adam's YouTube channel.
SPEAKER_03So please check it out.
SPEAKER_00So check it out.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. Thank you so much for doing this.
SPEAKER_03Thank you so much for asking me. It's been awesome.